Thursday, December 01, 2005

HUMOR

Christmas Humor ...
I Find Funny

Do you know what would have happened if there had been Three Wise Women instead of Three Wise Men?

* They would have asked directions;

* Arrived on time;

* Helped deliver the baby;

* Cleaned the stable;

* Made a casserole;

* Brought practical gifts and

* There would be “Peace On Earth.”

However, do you know what would have happened if there had been Three Gay Wise Men instead of Three Straight Men OR Women?

* They would have made a fabulous parade towards the big "B" in full auburn/gold sequined robes to match the low "Star of Bethlehem" lighting;

* The would have arrived early;

* Helped deliver the baby AND dressed it up in a gorgeous butter-cream-colored 100% cotton throw;

* They would have cleaned the stable AND redecorated it in a "western" theme to match the animals;

* But darlings, they would not have made a casserole! Instead, they would have thrown together a flawless repast starting with a tasty leek dip with crisped pita triangles, tongue-teasing cool dilled cucumbers with olives and goat cheese, an entree of pomegranate honey-glazed Galilean sea bass with light Indus Valley sweet mango chutney mix, mashed squash with capers and mint in light cream fennel sauce and finished it with dried fruit, cinnamon, and red wine compote served in gilded half ostrich egg shells for a delicious desert dessert – and THEN topped it all off with a date wine con panne!

* Practical gifts? Sweetie, that babe would have deserved nothing less than the best goodies from the new Martha Stewart Biblical Living collection and

* As for “Peace on Earth,” … How can you possibly have THAT when the entire night just screams for a great drag number? ! ? ! ? ! ?

More Christmas Humor ...
I've Stumbled Across
"Can you feel what I feel?"
(or seasonal carols for the psychologically needy)

Schizophrenia - Do You Hear What I Hear?
Multiple Personality Disorder - We Three Queens Disoriented Are
Dementia - I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas
Narcissistic - Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
Manic - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and....
Paranoid - Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me
Borderline Personality Disorder - Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
Personality Disorder - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm GonnaPout, Maybe I'll tell You Why
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells

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